hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
