oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
