I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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