You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
