My first STD was from a foam party
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
