I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i love accidental penises.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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