THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize