I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
