Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
