In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
