I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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