he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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