what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
