morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
