I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
