Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Randomize
