why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
