Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
