birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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