wake up i wanna do it froggy style
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
