i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
