dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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