I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
