Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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