No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
