I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
