You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
my liver is dry heaving
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
