My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
