literally had 100 drinks last night.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize