I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
