I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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