Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
