he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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