you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
