I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
