Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
