We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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