At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize