If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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