Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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