i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize