You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
