put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
