check it out our google latitudes are spooning
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
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