Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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