Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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