i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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