When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
