Plan B is the new Plan A
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Randomize
