I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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