wakey wakey hands off snakey
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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