you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
