please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
