Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
there was a trapeze. enough said
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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