Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
