May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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