eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
if only i could text you this smell
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
