Someone shit on the floor
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize