GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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