She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize