That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
