I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
