if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
