I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
