just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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