I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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