ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Randomize
