if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He? As in you personified your dick?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize